Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
