Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
