One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
