I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
