I cannot find my penis.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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