apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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