He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
