a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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