So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
