I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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