how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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