I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
