he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
