Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
