Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
