sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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