nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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