how can u be prego again
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
