he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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