Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
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