I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize