And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
