I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
