if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
