You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
