therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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