I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
did i walk over a car last night?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
