When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
