Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.