this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.