Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?

  (914): View more from New York

  please be gone before i get back

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  (201): i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf? (914): please be gone before i get back http://tfl.nu/y347
  Replies (2) Good night (830) Bad night (1399)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.

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  (407): Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis. http://tfl.nu/knfk
  Replies (14) Good night (4732) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.

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  (978): I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb. http://tfl.nu/h3os
  Replies (4) Good night (3977) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.

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  (508): currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit. http://tfl.nu/vzj2
  Replies (12) Good night (5463) Bad night (984)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.

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  (306): When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again. http://tfl.nu/vfit
  Replies (5) Good night (4367) Bad night (1281)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.

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  (716): she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives. http://tfl.nu/3y3d
  Replies (9) Good night (1283) Bad night (5058)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"

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  (516): Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering" http://tfl.nu/dwjq
  Replies (8) Good night (5369) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you

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  (262): When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you http://tfl.nu/zf8b
  Replies (8) Good night (3289) Bad night (1204)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.

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  (910): Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen. http://tfl.nu/269t
  Replies (6) Good night (766) Bad night (1337)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?

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  (260): how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'? http://tfl.nu/cg25
  Replies (10) Good night (1528) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.

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  (609): Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style. http://tfl.nu/0udf
  Replies (6) Good night (2080) Bad night (1028)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.

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  (989): Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door. http://tfl.nu/7hia
  Replies (4) Good night (1343) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  Braid them armpits, sister.

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  (817): We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered. (1-817): Braid them armpits, sister. http://tfl.nu/o7hq
  Replies (1) Good night (1329) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.

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  (770): I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely. http://tfl.nu/2b5h
  Replies (2) Good night (966) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.

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  (720): Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence. http://tfl.nu/jsvt
  Replies (9) Good night (992) Bad night (433)

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