You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
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you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is