Texts From Last Night

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  (863): View more from Florida

  I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

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  (863): I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex.. http://tfl.nu/ynb7
  Replies (121) Good night (4430) Bad night (63035)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.

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  (617): I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation. http://tfl.nu/k6x3
  Replies (35) Good night (6227) Bad night (1060)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game

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  (302): I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game http://tfl.nu/wh7c
  Replies (10) Good night (4555) Bad night (917)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall

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  (248): had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall http://tfl.nu/12ne
  Replies (3) Good night (2385) Bad night (875)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no

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  (620): If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no http://tfl.nu/7ldp
  Replies (8) Good night (2639) Bad night (1009)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer

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  (519): I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer http://tfl.nu/z4my
  Replies (4) Good night (1261) Bad night (1683)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?

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  (416): Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it? http://tfl.nu/zi0h
  Replies (6) Good night (3764) Bad night (1137)
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  (424): View more from California

  You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.

  (1-424): View more from California

  The hell is wrong with me

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  (424): You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks. (1-424): The hell is wrong with me http://tfl.nu/smgq
  Replies (4) Good night (1263) Bad night (706)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.

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  (502): Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home. http://tfl.nu/5iun
  Replies (15) Good night (573) Bad night (913)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter

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  (907): I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter http://tfl.nu/wvk4
  Replies (13) Good night (716) Bad night (593)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar

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  (773): If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar http://tfl.nu/xi33
  Replies (2) Good night (636) Bad night (264)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on

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  (503): I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on http://tfl.nu/i6tt
  Replies (4) Good night (468) Bad night (312)
• Favorite

  (936): View more from Texas

  Booty calls should never involve the cops.

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  (936): Booty calls should never involve the cops. http://tfl.nu/8hes
  Replies (4) Good night (541) Bad night (425)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink

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  (570): I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink http://tfl.nu/cef5
  Replies (1) Good night (495) Bad night (258)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.

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  (402): There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans. http://tfl.nu/d410
  Replies (4) Good night (886) Bad night (333)

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