Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.