No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Walk of Shame today included voting.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
