i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
