i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
