Im at strip club and am horny
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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