My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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