So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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