Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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