On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
