Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
