Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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