i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
