mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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