i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
