well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
