K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
