Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
