Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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