Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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