So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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