I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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