I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
