i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
