watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
