When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
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They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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