Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
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Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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