It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
