i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
