And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
