You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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