i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I touched a dick in church today
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
