so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
