he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
