the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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