Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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