The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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