If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
