Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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