I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
