Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
