Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
